Well it is a week on since a large part my world fell apart and I guess it is time for a summery of how things are going for me. A number of things have been made apparent as I have gone through this painful period and most notable of these realisations is just how many people care about you and not from where you would expect either.
About two of what I would have considered to be my close friends attempted to see how I was or ask how I was getting on in the week afterwards. I don't resent them or harbour any anger towards them after all they where all terribly busy making sure my ex was okay, so they had there hands full and we should forgive them for that. So I have to say a massive heart felt thanks to the people who did ask, people I would never expect to care or understand that made the effort to make sure I was dealing with it and extended a shoulder or ear. The response and support shown was overwhelming. I really cant thank you enough or make it clear how much of a difference you all made to me. There are two people in particular and you know who you are that just made it bearable and even managed a smile out of me. Calming me, counselling me, keeping me from doing anything silly, reassuring me and just being amazing selfless human beings. You made me realise it was not all me and I hadn't lost everything. You showed me the light at the end of the tunnel. You picked me up when the world had let me down and you helped carry the burden of the world. I can not stress enough how much gratitude I feel, if there is anyway I could ever do to repay you all for what you have done then don't even consider hesitating in asking!
Apart from that I have been trying to deal with the expected loneliness so I went to stay with my life long friend, he has been like my brother since we where children and so he was the perfect refuge out of town while the dust settled and I got my feelings back in order. I stayed with him for three days and he was yet another example of the amazing good hearted caring people I have found around of me. When you are on your back foot it brings the best out in people I have found, they don't question you, they just support you and care. I don't go though life looking for angels but when you are at your darkest hour they do appear and show you the way to the light.
In my last blog I made the point that I could see no future for me and I didn't no what to do next. Well although I am still pretty lost to as where I stand in the world and its people, I am still trying to fathom what people think of me and whether they have really misjudge me as badly as they seemed to. However I am starting to find some clarity and I have been seeing all the friends I tend not to, it has been heart warming to see all these people I don't normally free of prejudgement and assumption. What this has meant is that I have got loads of days out scheduled with old friends that I am really looking forward too. While the pain of losing my relationship still burns fresh on my mind this does at least allow me a period of rest-bite from the pain, where I can forget how bad it is and just enjoy the good company. I am even managing to regain some self confidences which will please people.
What I am trying to say if I am saying anything is that to anyone looking in at me they would think I was fine, and I am getting that way, one friend said it will takes months to get over her because she was so gorgeous and I will never find someone more beautiful and maybe they are right but I have to try and look ahead, raise my head to the world and remember that no matter how bad it gets you always have people that care even if you didn't expect it to come from where it did. It is not all doom and gloom, I still have friends and although there is a long road ahead I can at least walk down it in good company.
Love the Animosity Kid x
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