I'm ready to live, I'm ready to leave, I'm ready to go!

I have given an unduly large amount of thought and time lately to what I need in life and how much I should depend on people. Before my brake up I depended massively on my friends on an emotional level because over the years I came to expect a certain reaction and level of support. When that didn't happen I had to question there depravity but then I realised how weak I had become and that stands testimony because of how badly I have dealt with my brake up. I had to start questioning myself for myself and that is what I have done. My head has been all over the place, up and down but pretty much always in a bad place. Well no more!

I will no longer be depending on anyone, I will stand for myself and be my own person. I tried being the good, conscientious, caring boyfriend/friend to everyone. And that blow up in my face. No one cares or remembers so why bother? Because of my dependence on the people around me I lost my strength and to some extent my dignity. So this is a message to everyone out there. I love you all but I no longer need you or your friendship, I still want it but I am not longer going to be going out my way to make it happen. I have done my bit now but no longer will I be holding my tongue, I have been sitting back letting the comments wash over me with blind apathy but I wont be any more. Anyone who wants to make little comments to me or under there breath or even just get touchy for touchys sake well don't expect me to sit back and just let you any more, expect a profane retort. Wave good bye to emotional, lackadaisical Jaye because we are going to have a return of the out spoken, arrogant, pretentious, nefarious Jaye.

Being emotional and dependent left me weak, exposed and an easy target. It has only brought me pain and I have lost my morals. I trusted a hope, a belief in something that never happened and I should not have let myself get in to that position so I have learnt the hard, public way. In front of me is the whole world, with billions of people to met, right now I lead a little blinkered life in Calne with people who can't see past what they know, in the next few years my life is going to explode as will these. With loads of new opportunities, experiences and people. So bring it on, it is going to be f****** brilliant. 

I have learnt a valuable lesson, when you are down your true friends step forward and are there for you, people who really care. All you people are the people worth fighting for and I hold you all close to my heart, but now I know who you are, there is no disparity to who you are and I'll always be there for you. As we march though the dates summer is almost on its death bed and up is the only way I am going! I am going to move with the times, let happen what happens and breath a sigh of relief that I learnt this lesson young. If no one is my hero, no one can let me down. From now on what does Jaye want?

Love a revitalised, energised and perhaps a little ostentatious Animosity kid x