I thought this week I would change the tone of the blog in search of some humour since they have all been a little down beat and genially to do with my self inflicting idiocy on my part so I have written about something that really annoys me, turns my blood to acid and then boils it for good measure.
It seems to me that there are now 3 million horsists in the United Kingdom of Great England land, so for the remaining 58 million we have a major problem. Bigger then knife crime or happy slapping, it is in fact horse ownership.
Now I once lived on a horse camp ermm farm so I know roughly how much they cost to run and maintain. To buy a horse you would have to be clinically insane or bed-wettingly rich because to purchase, move around and feed a horse costs about the same as it does to run Luxembourg. I believe a pet should be an extension of your family, one of life’s add-ons but horse ownership consumes your whole life. You have to get up at 6 in the morning every morning and clean its excrement up, then you get to spend 5 hour’s of your day grooming it and feeding it. At this point it will take you for a walk.
However taking a horse out on the road is ill advised and a dangerous business, you see the Romans only laid so much road and the rest was left up to us Brits. Being British we decided they did it all wrong and we know what's best, “what roads need are lots of needless corners” thus most of the British road network is made up of sharp corners and blind crests. So try and imagine the shock when you exit a corner to find 2 tonnes of leather clad muscle lumbering along at 5 mph quite unaware or prepared to alter course. And yet we are expected to slow down, turn are stereos down and move in to oncoming traffic just to ensure your 4 billion pound investment doesn’t get spooked and has to be shoot. At this point horsists will argue that the roads where first intended for horses but lets remember the royal family was first intended to rule and now they are only allowed in to parliament by invitation only.
So now you arrive home with a spooked horse in a raging mood because some motorist has not moved far enough over or turned his Chris Moyles down. But don’t think you can stop there oh no you still have a good couple of hour’s of feeding and pampering ahead of you. Finally at 1 in the morning you collapse in to bed in a bad mood, shattered and aching from the manual labour and the lots of falling off which will inevitably happen. You got the horse for a pleasurable past time but now you work harder and longer then you did as a child in the workhouses.
Repeat 7 days a week, ever week for the rest of your life!
And to top if off all 3 million horsists feel the need ever Sunday to drive the damn things around in ugly, beige trailers along ever inch of Briton, I think they just do it to annoy me! But they never exceed 4 mph to ensue it doesn’t go lame. If I ever get stuck behind a horsebox I will follow them home shoot the horse and put a powerful air-hose up the driver’s ass. I can get a dog, cat, pig even a tapir in my boot and drive as fast as I want, where ever I want and I’m in no ones way, surely that is easier, faster and cheaper.
The only winner here is the horse. With its walnut sized brain it has work out how to turn the smartest, most dominant race on the planet in to its own personal servant. A servant that dose ever thing for the horse and will never blame the horse for any thing purely because of how much they have spent and don’t want to believe the horse could do any thing wrong and yet cost so much. The servant lives for the survival of the horse.
The beast now rules the humans so for that I must say well done horse, very well done!
Hope that was slightly enlightening, I'm sure we will return to normal proceeding soon enough.
This is my second irritation.
Love the Animosity Kid x
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