A Series of Unfortunate Events.

I'm finding it really hard to write at the moment as I have said previously, just finding topics and making them interesting is not easy. Anything I do write I'm never satisfied with it and it all just turns in to an incoherent mess and then get exiled in to digital oblivion. Despite all this I have got myself another cup of coffee and turned the music to 11 in an attempt to write something worth reading.

So I thought I would just keep it simply, I would talk about my life and how I seem to be spending most of it very disappointed. I believe hope is leading my down a trail of disappointment, literally over the last few weeks it has been one thing after another so I am going to go though them in no particular order and try and make sense of them, enjoy. 

1) For those of you paying any attention at the end of my last blog you will have noticed how I said there was big news on the way and how I could not tell you yet, well now I can. This was meant to be a very happy blog about how I was moving forward, how I could really see a future and I could now spend my days making daisy chains while frolicking in the meadow. Unfortunately this is not to be, over the summer after Nina I met a beautiful girl, I'm not going to do one of my stereotypical descriptions of her because I have written about her before if you look back. What I didn't mention at the time was how happy she was making me feel, I feel very lonely a lot of the time for various reasons we will get too but she made that evaporate, she made life seem tantalisingly perfect, the feeling was almost palpable. I could write a whole blog about her with out even thinking about it but we need to get on. I risked a lot for her and I had large arguments over her to defend her because I believed she was wasn't different, someone truly special, she made me feel wanted and loved something my last ex never managed. Unfortunately it was never to be, as we got closer and closer it became apparent perhaps her heart wasn't in it and indeed it wasn't. I don't resent her or haver any anger towards her but I do miss her deeply, she was truly wonderful to behold. This was the first thing that set of my series of unfortunate events but I thank her for the little time she gave me because it was the best I've ever spent with a girl. I still don't really understand how she feels but I know there is no hope so I will cherish the memory's.

2) I have written about the sacrifices I have made to go to college before to do with losing out on my friends and that has never been more apparent and painful then at the moment. We all went out Sunday and had a lovely day together but all it does for me is make it ever more clear what I am missing out on everyday. I try and stay positive but god I miss them and want them back. I am simply not making the relationships in college I need to stay happy, I am a person who depends and leans on there friends so to not have that support network around me well, I am finding it a challenge at best. I just love you all so so much. 

3) As you all know I have had a job at the local Fish and Chip shop for the last few months, I loved it because it was so wonderfully British despite being run by Portuguese, it was hard work but you got to interact with the customers and serve people who in some cases had travelled hours just to come to your Fish and Chip shop and there was something about that, that made you feel special. I tock great pride when cleaning all of the front of house because I really cared and loved the job. On a Friday when it was incredible busy the stress levels where through the roof with very inpatient customers but it got the heart pumping and I loved the rush. So I guess you can see where this is going? Yes, you would be right, they let me go, my services where no longer required. They had a fair enough reason which was they needed a full time instead of part time and could not afford both but what I take issue in is that they did not tell me until my last shift and they had known about it for 2 weeks. It gave me no time to prepare or save and it has left me in a very difficult financial situation. If I had a family to support I could not even begin to imagine the pressure. 

I think I will leave it there for tonight but there are just so many things going wrong in my life at the moment along with some silly decisions I am just getting no luck at the moment. My Dad says maybe it is just not my time and I bloody well hope he is right because if this is how the rest of my life is set to go then I am pulling the plug now and going mad, life is easier when your mad because no one cares what you do or how you do it. 

I am giving life everything I have got at the moment and it really isn't paying off so I am just going to keep trying and hoping and who knows, maybe it will get better. I might even meet someone who falls in love me not "fall out of what ever it was I felt for you". But I must dash because I have yet another hospital appoitment to get too.

Love the Animosity Kid x